A year ago today – Dear Grandad

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Hey everyone,

I wanted to let you all know that a year ago today my dear grandad passed away. I cannot believe that a whole year has passed already? But not a day went by where I wasn’t thinking of him. I miss him dearly

It is never easy losing a loved one. My family live overseas and I was not able to travel to England while he was sick, or when he passed away because I was heavily pregnant at that time.  I do wish I could have been there one last time to hold his hand and tell him how much I loved him.

My grandad had been unwell since the beginning of last year, but an actual diagnosis did not come until the end of September of last year where they confirmed it to be liver cancer, and sadly two weeks after his diagnoses my dear grandad passed away.

The same weekend my grandfather passed away I had been away with my husband and children for a short weekend break to celebrate my husband’s birthday. The whole time I was away I had that constant sinking feeling but still tried to remain positive.

On the afternoon of the 7th of October, we were sitting on the verandah at the holiday house when a beautiful kookaburra flew down to us and perched himself on the edge of the verandah. He looked at us curiously. We were able to get really close to him and feed him and even stroke him. He stayed with us for ages. I had that sinking feeling again. Could this have been a goodbye from my grandad? You see, my grandad was a lover of birds and an avid bird watcher, he knew so much about birds and growing up he used to teach me a lot about them. The bird eventually flew away but I had been so amazed by what had just occurred. Never have I seen a bird of that kind be so tame. I have spoken to people who had similar experiences after a loved one passes away.

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This picture here is the actual kookaburra that came to visit us ^

My grandad had sadly passed away on the 7th October 2017, but I did not find out until my husbands birthday on the 8th October due to travelling back from the coast,  and the time difference, but also my family decided they didn’t want to tell me until I had got back home from holiday, I of course totally understand that but I felt like I already knew and I had been preparing myself to hear those dreaded words; I’m so sorry Claire, but unfortunately grandad passed away’ I mean no one is ever ready for those words, but he was getting weaker and weaker and I just knew it would be sooner rather than later.

When I got home on the 8th I had a tearful conversation with my mum and my heart sank. I have never really lost a loved one that is so close to me before. I just felt numb when she told me.  I just wanted to be there and hug everyone and I felt sad that I couldn’t. I cried so much that night and husband hugged me tightly. It has taken me a very long time to be at peace with it all and on this sad anniversary I can’t help but feel so sad again, I do however try to think of all the happy memories I had with him growing up. We really had so many happy times as a family and I will never forget them.

Before my grandad died I had written him a personal letter with some family photos which I know read to him before he passed away. We also made sure to tell him that we found out we were having a boy after 8 girls. He was thrilled for us. I am so glad he was able to read my letter, but I still wish I could have been there to tell him how much I loved him in person. One thing that still breaks my heart every day is that my grandad in the last week of his life was so desperate to video call me on skype, but sadly he never got the chance to do that.

I am in regular contact with my grandma. I always phone her as much as I can to see if she is okay. I think my grandmother is an amazing woman with how she has coped with it all. I am in awe of her courage and strength. I feel the same about my mother too she is also very much like my grandmother and has shown strength and courage in what has been a very difficult year for us all.

I am very sad today but I am also thinking about all those wonderful happy memories and I think it is the best way to remember someone.

Here are some words for my grandad;

Dear Grandad – A year ago today;

A year ago today you left us.
 I  know that I am far away but I have been thinking of you every day.
Today I feel so sad and I am trying to be strong
I wished I had got the chance to say goodbye, hold your hand and tell you that I loved you,
Sadly it wasn’t to be.
and I  still cry because I miss you so much
I have been remembering all the happy times that we shared 

In sad times like these, I think it is important to think of all the happy times.
Grandad, I’m so sorry that I  was  not there to say one last goodbye
I’m so sad that your gone,
But I know I must get on.
I feel so very sad today.
I truly hope I get to see you again one day.

I love you dear grandad

 

Life is  so precious and so short, so, please
Tell your loved ones, how much you care. Hug them tightly and kiss them and cherish every waking moment with your family. You get one shot at life, so spend it telling others how much you love and appreciate them.

Thank you for reading my sad blog post today. I ask you all to pray for my grandad’s soul with this prayer;

Eternal rest, grant unto him, O LORD. And let perpetual light shine upon him and may he rest in peace. Amen

 

Love always

Claire xxx

 

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2 thoughts on “A year ago today – Dear Grandad

  1. Thank you for sharing this Claire, it’s a good reminder for me that what I’m going through is normal and I’m not alone in my grief. I lost my Dad 5 months ago and I too am struggling with the overwhelming sadness. I just want more time with him.

    Like

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